Today is June 15, 2008, it is a day that we as a nation take a moment and tell our fathers how much we love them and how much they mean in our lives. Since this blog in many ways can take the form of a journal, I though I would take a moment and reflect on my father and his influence in my life. It wasn't always easy growing up with my Dad but it has taken the raising my own children to begin to fully appreciate what and why he did the things he did.
When I was a young child, my Dad was foremost in my life and I honored him as little boys do. I followed his example and imitated him in my life. As I became older it was apparent to me that I would never do anything that upset my Dad because of his temper and his big hands. I did not like spankings although in my generation this was a fact that all my friends knew and accepted. The thing that made it the hardest was that my Dad would never listen to me and understand why something happen. It was not that I was always trying to avoid the obvious hands on my bottom routine, yes, sometimes that was my desire, but rather I felt what had happen was not directly my fault and I wanted to explain; if I was wrong so be it, let the hands come. There were times when I was in the right and nothing should have happen, but I was guilty as charged. As I got older, I learned that Dad was very stubborn, his way only, and when he had been drinking it was worse and I knew that all questions received the answer No!, no discussion, no redirect, no nothing, therefore if something was important to me the road to opportunity was through Mom. From these youthful years, I decided at this juncture that I would try and be more open minded and consider the thoughts and feelings of others, especially for my wife and children. I know that I have not always been successful with this effort over the years, but I hope my wife and family will think so.
Even though I had a very hard time communicating with my Dad and sometimes I felt alone, my Dad taught me many things that makes me the man I am today. I can't enumerate all things in this post but will write about 4 of the things that came to my mind while attending Church today:
1) My Dad taught me to be honest in all my dealings and that the character of a man's integrity is told by his actions. I learned at a very young age to be honest even if it hurts. My Dad could not accept lying in any form and insisted on nothing more than the absolute truth from all his boys, my brothers. I believe that I am not a perfectly honest person but I know from my Patriarchal Blessing that my example has a great influence on people around me and that I should never do anything that will affect this example to them. Everyday I try to live up to this blessing but realize this is a big order and thank goodness that I have a lifetime to achieve.
2) My Dad taught me to use tools and to work with my hands. One of my Dad's talents that I wish I had inherited was his great ability to take things apart and put them back together with all the screws, washers, wires, etc in the right place and nothing left over. My love for building things comes from my Dad teaching me about tools and the right way to use them including using the 'right' tool for the job. He would say, "...never use a wrench for a hammer". Sorry Dad I have done that a couple of times. My Dad learned this from his Dad and my girls and their husbands, hopefully, have learned this from me.
3) My Dad taught me to respect the opposite sex and to be kind and helpful to them. I think my life has reflected my appreciation for womanhood and especially for my lovely wife and my daughters. I love them dearly and I know that this comes from Dad. A short story will epitomize the importance Dad place on respecting woman.
I was a junior or senior in High School living in a small village, Millport, NY. All the kids were like brothers and sisters, one big family, we played together all the time. We almost never excluded people but sometimes we made it difficult for some to participate. As friends we would plan activities to do something different from the ordinary. One week we decided we would like to organize a party up at Clyde Jack's Pond. Clyde was an older gentleman that had retired and had a farm about a mile and half away. He had an air boat, Everglades style, and would give anyone ride that wanted a ride. We thought it would be nice to go there for our party. We planned everything and made assignments and then we each went to our parents to get permission and then we would contact Clyde to see if this was acceptable to him. Everyone thought this was a good idea and we finished making preparations. One of my friends who wanted to be more than a friend to one of the girls thought that it would be a good idea if we all asked a girl to be our date. Most of us wanted to be together but because one of us wanted to have a date we decided that we would all ask a girl out. I asked Marily Furnkranz who lived 3 doors up the street if she would go with me. She said Yes! So on the night of our party my Dad told me that I needed to go to her house and pick her up, it was a date! All were planning on meeting at Hammond's Store and we would go together to Clyde's. I tried to explain to Dad that this wasn't really a date but a get-together among Friends. Dad asked, "Did I ask her out?, I said, yes". "Then go and pick her up and make sure you walk her home after the party, all the way to her house". Well ,I picked her up we all had a fun great evening and Clyde did everything he could to make it a nice party. After the party when we got back to town, we all started walking home together and as we came to a friend's house, we would say good-night and continue on. When we got to my house, it was only Marilyn and I left from our group, she said, goodnight and started walking to her house. My Dad came out of the house like a cannon and screaming at me so loud, that I thought the neighbors would be aghast, saying that I needed to walk Marilyn home. I said she said it was OK. Dad said no it wasn't, now get up there and walk her all the way home because that is what Stevens' men do, they take care of their dates and ensure they are safely home. I was very mad at my Dad and very embarrass to run and catch up with Marilyn. I told her what happen as I walked her home. I think she was pleased but never said anything. Later on when I calmed down and thought about what my Dad was trying to teach me, I realized how right he was and that from then on I would always be kind and respectful of woman. I hope my family knows that has been my goal all their lives.
4)The last one I would like to talked about today is the importance of being a friend. I hate to say this but in my Dad's life his friends always came before Mom and the family. He would drop whatever he was doing for his friends. I did not like this when the family was put in second place. However, I do realize that we need friends and that we have to help each other if we are to return to our Heavenly Father. Service is the key to happiness now and in the life to come. I hope that I have been a good friend and servant to those around me and hope my family has never felt like a second fiddle. I hope my Love for and of the Lord shines forth through my actions, my example and all my doings. The person I am today has develop through the years because of the friends I have or have had in my life. To paraphrase a saying that we have hung in our home over the years; "People come and go in our lives but only a friend leaves a part of their heart with us." I am fortunate to have had a few great friends in my life, Lenny Grow was my best friend through High School and we shared much which help me cope with becoming a man. In College my best friend was Cindy Kleiner who became my wife and eternal companion, the mother of my children and the person who owns the largest part of my heart. Reed and Barbara Rands who would do anything for us and who with their children made 'young converts' to the Church their friends and thus helping us to grow our testimonies. Dick and Sharon Empey who would give you the shirt on there backs and many times did. Anytime you asked for something they would find away to make it happen, i.e. building the staircase in our home. Steve and Lonna Harper who because of golf, Young Woman's and a certain son have become an endearing part of our lives and along with their children have always made us feel like royalty. All of these wonderful people have left part of their hearts with us and we will forever be grateful.
We are who we are because of the fathers in our lives. My father has truly bless my life and I want to go on record, in spite of the difficulties with my Dad, and testify I'm a better person today because of his love and concern and I wish that I had learned this and thanked him for it before he past away. I love you Dad.
Sidenote:
(I appreciate my son-in-laws and the respect they show my daughters. I appreciate their love and kindness for those choice spirits that hold such a special place in Cindy and my hearts. It is hard for a Dad to let another man take over and be the provider and protector for a lovingly daughter and I am thankful that all my daughters have married good men who honor their priesthood and who are slowly replacing dear old dad. They never will at least in my mind.)
Keep up the good work.
When I was a young child, my Dad was foremost in my life and I honored him as little boys do. I followed his example and imitated him in my life. As I became older it was apparent to me that I would never do anything that upset my Dad because of his temper and his big hands. I did not like spankings although in my generation this was a fact that all my friends knew and accepted. The thing that made it the hardest was that my Dad would never listen to me and understand why something happen. It was not that I was always trying to avoid the obvious hands on my bottom routine, yes, sometimes that was my desire, but rather I felt what had happen was not directly my fault and I wanted to explain; if I was wrong so be it, let the hands come. There were times when I was in the right and nothing should have happen, but I was guilty as charged. As I got older, I learned that Dad was very stubborn, his way only, and when he had been drinking it was worse and I knew that all questions received the answer No!, no discussion, no redirect, no nothing, therefore if something was important to me the road to opportunity was through Mom. From these youthful years, I decided at this juncture that I would try and be more open minded and consider the thoughts and feelings of others, especially for my wife and children. I know that I have not always been successful with this effort over the years, but I hope my wife and family will think so.
Even though I had a very hard time communicating with my Dad and sometimes I felt alone, my Dad taught me many things that makes me the man I am today. I can't enumerate all things in this post but will write about 4 of the things that came to my mind while attending Church today:
1) My Dad taught me to be honest in all my dealings and that the character of a man's integrity is told by his actions. I learned at a very young age to be honest even if it hurts. My Dad could not accept lying in any form and insisted on nothing more than the absolute truth from all his boys, my brothers. I believe that I am not a perfectly honest person but I know from my Patriarchal Blessing that my example has a great influence on people around me and that I should never do anything that will affect this example to them. Everyday I try to live up to this blessing but realize this is a big order and thank goodness that I have a lifetime to achieve.
2) My Dad taught me to use tools and to work with my hands. One of my Dad's talents that I wish I had inherited was his great ability to take things apart and put them back together with all the screws, washers, wires, etc in the right place and nothing left over. My love for building things comes from my Dad teaching me about tools and the right way to use them including using the 'right' tool for the job. He would say, "...never use a wrench for a hammer". Sorry Dad I have done that a couple of times. My Dad learned this from his Dad and my girls and their husbands, hopefully, have learned this from me.
3) My Dad taught me to respect the opposite sex and to be kind and helpful to them. I think my life has reflected my appreciation for womanhood and especially for my lovely wife and my daughters. I love them dearly and I know that this comes from Dad. A short story will epitomize the importance Dad place on respecting woman.
I was a junior or senior in High School living in a small village, Millport, NY. All the kids were like brothers and sisters, one big family, we played together all the time. We almost never excluded people but sometimes we made it difficult for some to participate. As friends we would plan activities to do something different from the ordinary. One week we decided we would like to organize a party up at Clyde Jack's Pond. Clyde was an older gentleman that had retired and had a farm about a mile and half away. He had an air boat, Everglades style, and would give anyone ride that wanted a ride. We thought it would be nice to go there for our party. We planned everything and made assignments and then we each went to our parents to get permission and then we would contact Clyde to see if this was acceptable to him. Everyone thought this was a good idea and we finished making preparations. One of my friends who wanted to be more than a friend to one of the girls thought that it would be a good idea if we all asked a girl to be our date. Most of us wanted to be together but because one of us wanted to have a date we decided that we would all ask a girl out. I asked Marily Furnkranz who lived 3 doors up the street if she would go with me. She said Yes! So on the night of our party my Dad told me that I needed to go to her house and pick her up, it was a date! All were planning on meeting at Hammond's Store and we would go together to Clyde's. I tried to explain to Dad that this wasn't really a date but a get-together among Friends. Dad asked, "Did I ask her out?, I said, yes". "Then go and pick her up and make sure you walk her home after the party, all the way to her house". Well ,I picked her up we all had a fun great evening and Clyde did everything he could to make it a nice party. After the party when we got back to town, we all started walking home together and as we came to a friend's house, we would say good-night and continue on. When we got to my house, it was only Marilyn and I left from our group, she said, goodnight and started walking to her house. My Dad came out of the house like a cannon and screaming at me so loud, that I thought the neighbors would be aghast, saying that I needed to walk Marilyn home. I said she said it was OK. Dad said no it wasn't, now get up there and walk her all the way home because that is what Stevens' men do, they take care of their dates and ensure they are safely home. I was very mad at my Dad and very embarrass to run and catch up with Marilyn. I told her what happen as I walked her home. I think she was pleased but never said anything. Later on when I calmed down and thought about what my Dad was trying to teach me, I realized how right he was and that from then on I would always be kind and respectful of woman. I hope my family knows that has been my goal all their lives.
4)The last one I would like to talked about today is the importance of being a friend. I hate to say this but in my Dad's life his friends always came before Mom and the family. He would drop whatever he was doing for his friends. I did not like this when the family was put in second place. However, I do realize that we need friends and that we have to help each other if we are to return to our Heavenly Father. Service is the key to happiness now and in the life to come. I hope that I have been a good friend and servant to those around me and hope my family has never felt like a second fiddle. I hope my Love for and of the Lord shines forth through my actions, my example and all my doings. The person I am today has develop through the years because of the friends I have or have had in my life. To paraphrase a saying that we have hung in our home over the years; "People come and go in our lives but only a friend leaves a part of their heart with us." I am fortunate to have had a few great friends in my life, Lenny Grow was my best friend through High School and we shared much which help me cope with becoming a man. In College my best friend was Cindy Kleiner who became my wife and eternal companion, the mother of my children and the person who owns the largest part of my heart. Reed and Barbara Rands who would do anything for us and who with their children made 'young converts' to the Church their friends and thus helping us to grow our testimonies. Dick and Sharon Empey who would give you the shirt on there backs and many times did. Anytime you asked for something they would find away to make it happen, i.e. building the staircase in our home. Steve and Lonna Harper who because of golf, Young Woman's and a certain son have become an endearing part of our lives and along with their children have always made us feel like royalty. All of these wonderful people have left part of their hearts with us and we will forever be grateful.
We are who we are because of the fathers in our lives. My father has truly bless my life and I want to go on record, in spite of the difficulties with my Dad, and testify I'm a better person today because of his love and concern and I wish that I had learned this and thanked him for it before he past away. I love you Dad.
Sidenote:
(I appreciate my son-in-laws and the respect they show my daughters. I appreciate their love and kindness for those choice spirits that hold such a special place in Cindy and my hearts. It is hard for a Dad to let another man take over and be the provider and protector for a lovingly daughter and I am thankful that all my daughters have married good men who honor their priesthood and who are slowly replacing dear old dad. They never will at least in my mind.)
Keep up the good work.
5 comments:
I could never aspire nor want to replace you in Natalie's eyes. I admire you and the way you have let me be a provider and protector to your daughter. I hope I will be able to do the same with my daughters. Thanks for all you do. Your example will be a standard and a legacy for all of your posterity. This have no doubt.
Kenny- From the time I met you, you have been an inspiration and an example to me. You reflect Christ like love more than anyone else I've ever known.
In reading your stories about your father, I could so easily see you as a soft-hearted young man, trying to find the good and learning from the bad. I appreciate having you in my life.
And Bryan is right, your example will continue to be a standard in your posterity.
Kenny, you have and will ever be an optomist, but I am amazed that you could take a painful and difficult rearing and turn it into a gem. I must say that I am grateful that even if he was a hard man, you became the kind and loving man that you are due in part to his example. Your a great man and I am grateful for your example to my Son and grandchildren. ( and thank you so much for raising a daughter who surpasses all of my expectations and hopes)
Dad, you are amazing and you still continue to teach me so much. Thank you for that great tribute to your Dad. I want you know that you have achieved all you have wanted as a Dad. You have taught all us girls great these things and passed them on from your Dad. I am excited to meet him someday. Thanks again, Dad, for being the Greatest Dad Ever!!! I love you!!
Wow, what a wonderful expression of love and admiration for a man that was so unknown to all of us. Dad you truly are an inspiration to all of us. You have taught us girls all about tools and handy work, this has been a BIG blessing for Josh and I, since Josh was unable to receive this from his own father. What a blessing and opportunity we all have had. We truly have been taught by a Great Man, our father, and friend. Thank You. Happy Father's Day. I love you.
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